10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!"
9. At the stylist, ask to have the hair on the back of your knuckles permed.
8. Ask a saleswoman whether a particular shade of panties matches the color of your beard.
7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of Eau de Swanke. (Also repeat using Squirty Cheese, A Fire Extinguisher or Mace if desired.)
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as religious tracts.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of under-pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that none of them are "leak proof".
3. Ask appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try trousers on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Show people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Top 20 things to do in a drive through
1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies.
6. Drive in circles around the drive through, ording just one item of your order each time you pass the window. For added fun, change clothes, hairstyles, glasses and fake beards with each pass.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Leave a big 4 litre bottle of ketchup on your dashboard. When asked if you would like ketchup with your meal, laugh sadistically for a few seconds, then adopt a serious expression and gesture to the bottle on your dashboard.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. Drive up to the window. Then, without saying anything, produce a tape-measure. Measure all aspects of the window, make a note of the measurements in a notebook, then drive off.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come out, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "No." Then wind up your window and just sit there staring straight ahead.
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Order 10 large milkshakes. When they arrive, get out of your car, open the bonnet and pour 9 of the milkshakes into the oil filler. Place the remaining milkshake onto the pavement, and stare solemnly at it for three or four minutes with your head bowed. Then drive off. Circle the block for 1 minute, then drive back and do it again.
15. When asked to pay for your order produce a huge bucket of pennies. Attempt to hand the heap of change to the cashier, but 'accidentally' drop it all over the pavement. Spend 10-15 minutes picking it all up, then when you have collected it all, pay by credit card.
16. Attempt to barter for your food. Offer CDs, Cassettes or anything else you have in your car (including friends and family members).
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies.
6. Drive in circles around the drive through, ording just one item of your order each time you pass the window. For added fun, change clothes, hairstyles, glasses and fake beards with each pass.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Leave a big 4 litre bottle of ketchup on your dashboard. When asked if you would like ketchup with your meal, laugh sadistically for a few seconds, then adopt a serious expression and gesture to the bottle on your dashboard.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. Drive up to the window. Then, without saying anything, produce a tape-measure. Measure all aspects of the window, make a note of the measurements in a notebook, then drive off.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come out, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "No." Then wind up your window and just sit there staring straight ahead.
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Order 10 large milkshakes. When they arrive, get out of your car, open the bonnet and pour 9 of the milkshakes into the oil filler. Place the remaining milkshake onto the pavement, and stare solemnly at it for three or four minutes with your head bowed. Then drive off. Circle the block for 1 minute, then drive back and do it again.
15. When asked to pay for your order produce a huge bucket of pennies. Attempt to hand the heap of change to the cashier, but 'accidentally' drop it all over the pavement. Spend 10-15 minutes picking it all up, then when you have collected it all, pay by credit card.
16. Attempt to barter for your food. Offer CDs, Cassettes or anything else you have in your car (including friends and family members).
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.
THings not to ask a chinese person
Do you know what is happening in Beijing in 2008?
Have you seen the Great Wall?
Have you tried Peiking Duck?
Can you use chopsticks?
Can you speak Chinese?
Do you know about Chinese history?
Have you seen the Great Wall?
Have you tried Peiking Duck?
Can you use chopsticks?
Can you speak Chinese?
Do you know about Chinese history?
Things not to say on a plane
Anything in Arabic
Got a match?
I wonder if osama will be proud of me
Can I open the window for some fresh air?
Hi, Jack!
I can't believe I made it past TSA
"Snakes!"
did anyone notice the metal detector did nt work
My shirt is ticking
If you're the pilot: Please be patient with me, Today is my first day.
I get the feeling we're all about to die."
Listen up everyone, this is a hijack! Just kidding...
Hey isn't that the drunk American West pilot
Jihad ah.. Jihad
pilot-next stop the empire state building
10 million bottle of beer on the wall, 10 million bottles of beer...
i hear beeping
Salam Aleikum
This gatorade tastes weird
What heading is Washington D.C
I smell smoke
pilot: im not a pilot but i have drove a bus
i,ve got the runs
Air marshals are panzies, they can't do anything to me
derker derker
Got a match?
I wonder if osama will be proud of me
Can I open the window for some fresh air?
Hi, Jack!
I can't believe I made it past TSA
"Snakes!"
did anyone notice the metal detector did nt work
My shirt is ticking
If you're the pilot: Please be patient with me, Today is my first day.
I get the feeling we're all about to die."
Listen up everyone, this is a hijack! Just kidding...
Hey isn't that the drunk American West pilot
Jihad ah.. Jihad
pilot-next stop the empire state building
10 million bottle of beer on the wall, 10 million bottles of beer...
i hear beeping
Salam Aleikum
This gatorade tastes weird
What heading is Washington D.C
I smell smoke
pilot: im not a pilot but i have drove a bus
i,ve got the runs
Air marshals are panzies, they can't do anything to me
derker derker
10 things NOT to say to a policeman
Hey, you must'a been doin' about 165 kph to keep up with me! Good job!
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
Excuse me, but is "stick up" hyphenated?
Hi Officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last week on "COPS"?
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
So, uh, you "on the take" or what?
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
Hey is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
100 kph in a 60 kph area? Could you put down 120? I'm trying to sell the car."
I normaly keep all that junk right here (pointing to the glove box), but
you see, this isn't my car!
I double-dog dare ya to arrest me!
Haha! I got your guu-uun
Bet ya can't keep up with me now that your on foot!! (and drive away)
Go to hell and have a nice day! (after terring up ticket)
Could ya hold on a sec, I just want to finish this beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
Excuse me, but is "stick up" hyphenated?
Hi Officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
"Bad Cop! No Donut!"
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked last week on "COPS"?
I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket.
So, uh, you "on the take" or what?
Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
Hey is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
100 kph in a 60 kph area? Could you put down 120? I'm trying to sell the car."
I normaly keep all that junk right here (pointing to the glove box), but
you see, this isn't my car!
I double-dog dare ya to arrest me!
Haha! I got your guu-uun
Bet ya can't keep up with me now that your on foot!! (and drive away)
Go to hell and have a nice day! (after terring up ticket)
Could ya hold on a sec, I just want to finish this beer.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Favourite trucks
The coolest trucks you can get are krux. They have the awesomest patterns. Like ones that look like wood or polka dot ones or ones that look like an old cardigan pattern. h
Louie Barletta
Louie is a pro skateboarder. He is THE MAN. He has such sick style which is why he's awesome. Hes really good at tricks like hippy jumps and cave mans. He is sponsored by Enjoi skate decks, krux trucks and pig wheels.
Look at this video and see how good he is.
Look at this video and see how good he is.
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